Month: June 2019

relationship with a cheater

The 5 Warning Signs That He Is Cheating On You

There is this proverbial saying that says; “some people are like dark clouds because when they disappear, it’s a brighter day!” That’s why, as women, we have to learn how to choose our battles carefully when dealing with our relationships.

There are times when it’s best to just walk away and leave because not all relationships are worth fighting for. In my case, I was brave enough to lose and leave the battlefield which was the exact reason why I won myself back. And for that, I saw brighter days ahead of me.

If your woman’s instinct is suddenly on the roll and for some reason, you feel that sense of uncertainty in your relationship; chances are that there must be something wrong.

Instead of nagging and putting up a fight, work silently and try to validate your feelings. It’s better to find out no matter how painful it is than being left out there in the dark. 

Cheater caught
Cheater being caught

Here are 5 warning signs that your man is cheating on you;

Changes in his usual and predictable behavior

If you’ve been together for quite some time, you would know his daily routine and his usual predictable behavior. Anything that is out of the usual could be a warning sign.

For instance, he suddenly mutes his mobile phone, he’s becoming secretive about his calls and text messages (he might be using some private phone chat lines or even worst, he might be using phone sex chat to contact others), his listening to music he normally wouldn’t listen to, and he’s suddenly paying more attention to his looks. Things that are out of the ordinary could signal that something different is going on.

He’s becoming defensive whenever you ask questions

This is very typical among men. During the early stages of a relationship which I call the “honeymoon” period, he would entertain all your questions. Sometimes, he would even love the idea of you getting jealous and would take that as an opportunity to become more intimate.

The sad thing is that; the honeymoon period ends at a certain point. And when the relationship starts to enter a comfortable level, that’s when a man starts to seek for a new sense of adventure. And when we start to question those changes; men start to become defensive.

He starts to get busier at work

When your man suddenly starts to work for extended hours with a busier schedule and more frequent out-of-town business trips, this could be another warning sign.

Men are easily fascinated and intrigued by other women especially those who are gutsy enough to approach them in a provocative manner and willing to give them time. So if you feel that your man is spending far lesser time with you, maybe it’s time for you to find out why.

He suddenly needs a lot of privacy and personal space

If your man truly loves you, he wouldn’t mind spending a lot of quality time with you whether it’s just for a movie night, a good conversation over a cup of coffee, or a romantic dinner at home.

If he refuses to spend some time with you and prefers to be on his own or with his friends, you should start thinking about ways to validate your thoughts. It may not be a sure sign that he’s cheating on your but it’s a definitive sign that he’s losing interest.

He finds you annoying and points out your flaws

This might be the most painful of all the signs. If you sense that he doesn’t appreciate you anymore as he used to no matter how hard you try, it could be a warning sign that he’s losing interest.

Sometimes, men see certain qualities in other women that they don’t possess. For example; if you have a mellow personality by nature, your man might be fascinated by another woman who’s more spontaneous and fun.

Or, if your fashion sense is on the conservative side, he might find a woman in a short skirt and crop top more attractive. The idea is that; men are easily excited and drawn to women who seem to have something new to offer.

A woman’s intuition is her most powerful weapon. So if you feel that there’s something going on with your boyfriend, partner or husband, check for these 5 warning signs. From there, you can take action and determine if the relationship is still worth fighting for.

However, keep in mind that sometimes, you have to lose the battle and leave in order to win yourself back. Getting out of an unhealthy relationship that involves cheating is much like stepping out into the sun and facing a brighter day.

true love with ourselves

Building Self-Worth, Finding Happiness and Loving Myself Again

One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that self-love is important; and that sometimes, it’s not bad to put yourself first above all things. Self-love refers to a high regard for your own happiness and well-being.

It means taking care of yourself first and not sacrificing your needs in order to please others. It makes a lot of sense for me now especially after giving most of my time and my whole being to another person.

Now that I’m more mature, I realized that I can no longer give what I do not have. In order for me to love others, I have to love myself first.

On Building Myself-Worth

When I was still in a relationship, I thought that my self-worth comes from being loved unconditionally by another person and being accepted despite of my imperfections.

Over time, that’s not how I define self-worth anymore. I realized that I’m the only one who can identify my own self-worth and I should not seek validation from others or expect another person to decide that for me. So I relied on myself.

How can I establish my self-worth? 

love yourself
Love yourself

I started by deciding to live independently and being happy even when I’m alone. I made good use of my spare time reading books, watching movies that can make me laugh, listening to music that boosts my mood, running around the neighborhood every morning and enrolling in yoga classes. I took care of myself.

It made me feel good and I’ve realized that being single doesn’t necessarily equate to being lonely; just the same, being in a relationship doesn’t always guarantee that you’d be genuinely happy. It’s all about appreciating your worth as a person.

On Finding Happiness

One thing I’ve realized is that happiness is everywhere if we’ll learn to acknowledge it. You don’t even have to chase after it. You can be happy if you decide to.

For example; you can be happy helping others who are in need, giving food and clothes to the less fortunate, doing something nice to your parents, going out with your friends and showing compassion towards others. These small acts of kindness can make you experience a different level of joy. 

I remember my elderly neighbors who once returned from a trip to find their home broken into and attacked by burglars. They lost a lot of valuables and their entire house was ransacked. I took them in for a while and comforted them.

They were extremely devastated. Since their property was insured, I suggested for them to hire a Public Adjuster Miami to handle the case so they won’t have to go through the rigorous process of filing for an insurance claim on their own. I figured that it would somehow make it easier for them since they’re too old for such a stressful situation. When everything was resolved and they’ve recovered from the incident, I actually felt happier and more relieved that I was able to help them in the best way I know how. 

On Loving Myself 

Rediscovering my self-worth and being happy made me realize the things that I like about myself. I began to appreciate my strength and resilience as a woman; that I’m more than the mistakes I made in the past and that I don’t deserve to be cheated on.

And so I started to forgive myself for the wrong choices I made, I distanced myself from people and places that tend to bring back unpleasant memories; I also decided that I don’t need the approval of others and I started to express gratitude for everything I have. 

And so I started to forgive myself for the wrong choices I made, I distanced myself from people and places that tend to bring back unpleasant memories; I also decided that I don’t need the approval of others and I started to express gratitude for everything I have. 

And so I started to forgive myself for the wrong choices I made, I distanced myself from people and places that tend to bring back unpleasant memories; I also decided that I don’t need the approval of others and I started to express gratitude for everything I have. 

I started doing the things I love like running every morning and taking part in marathons. For the first time in years, I changed my entire wardrobe and hairstyle.

I also traveled a lot and went to Australia for a vacation with my sister. From time to time, I would visit my parents or invite friends over and I would cook for them.

It gave me a brand new appreciation of myself knowing that my life isn’t focused on one person anymore.

And I vowed to myself that if ever I would get into another relationship, I would try my best to balance every single aspect of my life and make sure that I would stay whole even if I give a part of me to another person.

from a relationship to single

Single Again: Learning How to Move On After a Break-Up

Back to Basics A.K.A. Going Back to Being Single

They say that singles have the most fun in life. Well, perhaps this is the perfect opportunity for me to experience that. All my life, I’ve always been committed to something or with someone.

Back in college, I was so intent on earning a degree while working part-time in a restaurant. After I got off from the university, I immediately applied for a job, planned a career path; and then, later on, got into a relationship with Troy which almost led to marriage – almost, but not quite.

Starting Over

My relationship with Troy ended into a major disaster. I never knew that calling off the wedding drags a trail of problems and other issues. The minute I stepped out of Troy’s apartment and closed the door behind me, I knew there was no turning back.

To start over, I went home to my parents’ house. I started searching for my own personal space where I can rebuild my life, put my mind back into perspective and realign my elements.

Soon enough, I found a suitable place and moved to my very own apartment. I also started to catch up with my friends. I realized just how much I’ve been missing out on them.

For the first time in years, I felt what it’s like to be unattached – with nobody asking me what time I’d be home and nobody to cook dinner for. It was quite liberating, but it felt strange. I started to wonder what my life would be like in the next few years.

Will I meet someone new and start dating again? Or, would I stay single and die as an old woman alone? I was anxious but also quite hopeful that things will start falling into place in time.

Getting Used to It

Being single again after 4 years, plus the challenges of living solo take a lot of getting used to. I was still on the adjustment phase and struggling to get in-tune with my new life when the problems came rushing in.

And then I found myself wondering if I’ll ever achieve a state of peacefulness and calmness in my life. 

cheater

The Return of the Cheater

First things first; out of the blue, Troy appeared in my front door like a lovesick puppy begging me to come back to him. If I hadn’t been able to quantify my self-worth properly, I might be sleeping next to him again by now with all my plans for the future dissolving into thin air.

But I knew better than running back to his cheating arms. And when I said that “it’s over”, I meant every word. So I asked him to stop hanging around my front door and along my driveway because he’s blocking the traffic. I guess that’s the best way to define our closure.

Missing the Tire Changer

During the first few months that I’ve been living alone, the only time that I missed Troy was whenever something was broken or not working properly. It first happened one morning when I was running late for work and noticed that I had a flat tire.

If Troy had been there, he could have changed it in an instant. But since he’s no longer around, I had to ask a co-worker to give me a ride and later on called my brother-in-law to help me deal with the flat tire. 

Soon enough, I was already driving my car to work with all the tires in good condition. I wondered while driving; who needs a boyfriend who can change tires when there are a handful of other solutions for such problems?

Missing the Handyman

The second time I missed Troy was when my shower head was broken and water started pouring out all over the bathroom. Troy is an efficient self-taught handyman who can fix almost everything. Only that time, the great Troy wasn’t around anymore.

So I searched for help online and found specialists on Fort Lauderdale water restoration company residents can rely on in such emergencies. I also requested for them to check if there are any more leaks because I noticed molds under the bathroom sink. 

As soon as they fixed the problem, I can imagine myself shoving all thoughts of Troy in the recycle bin. Who needs a handyman for a boyfriend now?

Missing the House Painter

The third time I missed Troy was when I enrolled in a yoga class. I felt that my inner peace and sense of balance could be enhanced if I had the perfect color scheme within my apartment.

I remembered how much Troy and I had enjoyed painting the walls in his apartment way back before he started his cheating spree; and the look of satisfaction on our faces over the outcome.

Since I cannot paint my apartment on my own, I hired painters Miami that fellow yoga enthusiasts recommended to me. 

They did a pretty good job and my apartment looked bigger and brighter with the new color scheme. I chose light blue for my bedroom walls for calmness and serenity; yellow for the kitchen walls for happiness and optimism; and off-white for the living room for versatility and sense of wholeness and completeness.

After seeing the finished product, I began to ask myself; who needs a good house painter for a boyfriend when I can hire professional painters?